dream

i don't usually dream on vacation, something about being in a different bed. it's also something about not needing to escape while you're on vacation.

my dream comes past the mid-point of the night- just before first light. the dream is subtle and leaves the after taste of being memory.

we are all sitting together. not everyone, just the people of my vacation. my vacation is peaceful and intimate. the house is big and loud and in a constant state of flux. most people don't make the cut for my vacation, they're just someone i see while on vacation. i don't worry about the difference knowing that the at-large wouldn't understand anyways.

for once it's quiet as we are all together, and joking can be put on the back-burner. it's enough to feel the others presence. it's sunset over the water and mountains and it's not until i awake that i realize the geography is wrong. but, it's significant. it doesn't matter which way your facing when you watch the beauty of a peaceful sunset. the strength of our dreams can change which way the world turns.

as it starts to darken into dusk, talk returns; talk of swimming the night away in fields of phosphorescent algae. i stay quiet and relish in the moment contentedly grinning. it doesn't occur to me till i'm out of the dream that you grin when you're happy and reserve smiles for when you're being nice.

without saying a word, i point to the water where one, then another, then another, humpback whales, then another, rise out of the water, then another, to spray water and breathe and play. everyone sees, then another, and oohs and ahhs, while a few of us point. the last one to rise is huge and ancient, coming half-way out of the water, turning onto his right-side while still managing a spectacular tail splash.

in the waking morning it occurs to me that the whales are representations, but to me it's enough that they are whales.

young drunk

before i forget, here's a story about a drunk lady on the bus. well, as it starts, i am at the stop and not on the bus just yet. while somewhat mild, there was a breeze blowing so i had my hood up as i stood at street's edge looking west down the street. as the bus is about a quarter of a block away, i hear plastic bags crinkling, but don't initially see anyone because of the hood. i turn just as a young woman is putting shopping bags down on the bench. "aren't you going to help me? can't you see that i'm goddamned drunk!" the bus door's open and i step on. the bus driver says, "hello". "good morning", i reply. "what did you say to me?" the drunk bellows. i ignore her and take my seat. a stop sign is temporarily replacing the streetlight at this intersection, so the bus driver closes the door and starts to pull away as the young lady is trying to put her money in the slot. she falls forward against the front of the bus, but somehow manages to stabilize against the ticket machine as she bounces back. the bus driver asks if she's alright, to which is responded, "alright? i'm fuckin' drunk!" she sit's down in one of the sideways facing seats near the front and turns to the assembled riders, "isn't anyone going to help me? i'm sooooooo goddamned drunk!" everyone totally ignores her. so at first oppurtunity she sits, if that is what you would call it, in the first available forward-facing seat. she then opens the window all the way. if we had doubted how drunk she was before, we could all smell the alcohol. at this point, i turn the walkman up, pull the hat brim down and go to la-la-land for about 20 minutes. at a break between songs while we were at a stop just before the end of the run in downtown, i hear some guys in front of me laughing. i look up and see that they are laughing at the drunk woman trying to stagger to her feet. as one of the plastic bags swings from her wrist, you can clearly see that whatever else is in there, the bottom is full of chunder. as she finally stumbles forward, the bus driver asks, "are you alright?" she replies, "damn it woman! i've been asking for goddamned help since i got on the bus!" she stepped out the door and out of our morning.

ronald reagan and the bomb

when i was younger, i suffered from insomnia. i remember being twelve and afraid to close my eyes at night because ronald reagan might pick up the red phone and call in world war three because he was angry and unsettled because someone tried to assassinate him. i was afraid of nuclear annihilation while i slept. i had seen a documentary or something about people seeing the bright flash of nuclear detonation whether thier eyes were closed or not and the next millisecond, oblivion, dying too quickly to feel any pain. i had rationalized that i would need pain to determine the difference between death and a dream. at this point in my life i was awakened most days by that feel of falling which was accompanied by a bright light.

i suffered from a fair amount of angst for a 12 year old. it wasn't just ronald reagan and the bomb, there was this sense that i needed to accomplish something before it was too late. i was and still am pretty hazy on what that something was. it was all tied up with creativity and dying, though. it was all tied up with leaving a record of my existence. something unique, something that said i was here.

of course, if president reagan started armageddon, it was kind of a moot point. unless my 'artwork' could survive nuclear war of course. i guess this leaves me with the options of a) creating a new smart plastic that will retain the form i put it in no matter what's done to it, b) work in some remote location so that i only have to worry about my work surviving nuclear winter, or c) reconsider my audience and start aiming my work towards cockroaches.

the notion of creating something indestructible is a little bit daunting. i mean, what if i were to succeed? the first thing that would happen is that general so-n-so would come take it away to make implements of war. i guess the trick would be to make an indestructible substance that could only be used to make art. now that would be a worthy achievement.


all of this, and today, nearly 20 years later, the white house announces that it would consider using nuclear weapons to retaliate against terrorist acts of chemical or biological nature. isn't threatening someone with nuclear annihilation a terrorist act in it's own right?

christmas time for capitalism

this year i've decided to be in the holiday spirit like never before. not only am i rushing around buying things, being careful to "forget" just enough items to go on a mad dash-and-buy last minute shopping trip, but i'm selling things. to be more specific i'm selling toys and some gaming books on e-bay. they're just some things i've had laying around, but it turns out that folks have an interest in, a-hem, collecting them. and to make it even sweeter, i've kept them all in pretty darn good shape. do you want to buy some quality toys at a low, low price? do you want to optimize your holiday experience? then, go to e-bay, search for transformers, look to see if the seller is manikus5, and if it is, bid on this incredibly hot deal. toys not your thing, or you don't know any cool kids? how about star wars role playing books? everybody loves star wars. everybody!


stores in the twin cities :cough: target :cough: started putting up a limited number of christmas items the day after halloween. and another store :cough: k-mart :cough: had there full line of trees out by the second weekend in november. but the best is that still other stores :cough: everyone :cough: had thier full line of christmas decorations and wrapping paper out by the weekend before thanksgiving.

i live less than an hour away from five major shopping malls, including "the" mall, the mall of america, and two bustling metropolitan downtown shopping districts. cars and buses will get you easily to all of these locations. it is hard to wake up and leave your house without spending money at a 'one-day only sale of the year'.

to make matters worse, not only is there the pressure of buying the perfect holiday gifts, but daily, television, newspapers and the radio remind us that the only way to fight terrorism is to have a brisk economy, so it is our patriotic duty to shop this holiday season! (the only way to fight terrorism except for the way in which we launch our armies against a middle eastern country until they are no longer a threat against the u.s. having full control over the worlds oil fields.) the g.o.p. would have us believe that there is nothing more important than love of god (preferrably the christian god) and love of country. just how many big business owners are republican?

we've got to stop the madness! don't buy your gifts, make them! don't drive to the mall, walk to your friend's house carolling along the way! i'm probably going to do this myself, but you know, next year...

now excuse me, i've just seen an ad for a sale on the perfect gift for that certain someone, and all i've got to do is be one of the next 25 people through the door to shout "deck the halls with x-mas booty!"

bloggle me this

it has turned freakin' cold here in the midwest. we can expect more of the same with single digit lows (if we're lucky) and highs in the teens. the worst part is that we don't even have any snow yet. it's just cold and ugly, with people all marshmallowed up. fortunately, weather forecasts are a dime a dozen, and i've been checking out what the weather channel via the internet has to say about it. they've got things looking five to ten degrees warmer all week. i'll take what i can get.

gosh, what an exciting guy i am. i can write about anything in the world, nay, in the universe, and i choose to write about how cold it is.

can you just imagine some of the other great pieces i may write: my thoughts on clouds, why i like breathing, or the ever exciting, guess what i found in my belly button!

but, taking tongue out of cheek, that's the beauty of the internet and computers. for the first time ever, it allows for a mass market place of ideas. what makes that a good thing, you ask? well, a true open marketplace of ideas is the exact opposite of institutional censorship. sure, you have to ignore the fact that only certain people have access to certain types of media. anyone can say anyting, and if it's a good idea, it will be appreciated by the community. basically, good idea = happy happy joy joy, bad idea = reality t.v.



as far as the whole blogging thing goes, reading them helps with writing them. maybe you like what somebody else is saying and you want to agree and provide a link to thier witty diatribe. or, maybe you hate people who only write about how cold it is and you want to publically humiliate them and warn the rest of the world not to read thier drivvle. whatever your goal, it helps to see what's been done recently. i mean, after all, we all want to be topical. with that in mind, head over to blo.gs to see what's happening with over 50,000 different blogs.