Dear Richard Cranium,
I saw you in your car today. You were so cool! You probably didn't notice me because you were thinking cool thoughts. I was the guy in the crosswalk. I just wanted to thank you for pulling your car right in front of me into the crosswalk so that I could see up close how cool it was. And that gesture I made as you pulled away, spinning your wheels so fast that they squealed and left black marks across the white lines, that was my decidedly uncool thumbs up. Being that I am not used to dealing with people as cool as you, I got my digits mixed up and didn't put my thumb up at all.
By the way, and this is rather bold of me to say, I am sure you have a very large penis. I can just tell by how cool you are and by how super-cool your car is.
I'm not worthy,
-Eric
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