Stories you just can't make up

Anecdote #) Yesterday as I was getting ready to pack it in for the day at the library, I overheard the first of a conversation that sounded hilarious from my perspective but that I would quickly learn was just nasty.

Librarian: Coquille library, how may I help you?

Caller: ... ... ...

Librarian: Do you mean books by Shel Silverstein just in our library?

Caller: ... ... ...

Librarian: You want me to read all the titles?

Caller: ...

Librarian: Just the names of the books that we actually have on the shelves at this time?

Caller: ... ...

Librarian: Okay. The Giving Tree, Where the Sidewalk Ends,

Caller: ... ...

Librarian: Slower?

Caller: ...

Librarian: The Giving Tree, Where The Side

Caller: ...

Librarian: The Giving Tree

Caller: ... ...

Librarian: Where the Sidewalk Ends

Caller: ...

Librarian: Excuse me? I can't go slower.

Caller: ...

Librarian: You want me to start again and only proceed to the next title when you tell me to

Caller: ...

Librarian The Giving, excuse me sir?

Caller: ...

Librarian: Look, I've got people waiting on me.

caller: ...

Librarian: No, people are lining up waiting for me, I can't

Caller: ...

Librarian: No, I can't.

Caller: ...

Librarian: Look sir, I can't help you, I'm going to transfer you to my manager.

The librarian, whom shall remain anonymous as of this writing, then explained to the library director the situation - that a man was on the phone and wanted her to recite the titles of Shel Silverstein books and only proceeding when he told her that she could and that by the noises he was making and the way that he was acting that he was most likely masturbating. She had read more than just two tiles in the actual phone conversation, I just couldn't remember which ones and these were the first two that I could think of.

I had initially thought this may be one of the many regular patrons who seem to have no idea that the librarians might need to help other people, and then I thought that this would be a great practical joke - call up a library and tell them that you need them to recite all the books by a prolific author. But, calling up the library to get off on Shel Silverstein, or even just the voice of the librarian...creepy, ucky, scary. Is this just some pervert? Is this some kind of misunderstanding? Is this someone the police should be alerted about?

You know, I can't even come close to this with my retelling of the second anecdote, so I'm not going to even try. Plus, my own story is mostly just me being pissed off at something I can't do anything about, because the person who controls the internet is concinved he is right, even though he is wrong, and I am just shit outta luck.