I've been living in a house on fire
and the whole time thought it was the summer heat.
I pulled myself from the flames
to see that it was a total loss - everything had burned.
I wrapped a blanket around myself
to put out my still smoldering clothes.
I've been choking on the smoke for years
and only just now realized it wasn't seasonal allergies.
I need a mantra, something I can grab on to, and believe in with all of my being. It would be nice if it were something deeply profound. Simple would be a bonus as well. The cherry on top, which it wouldn't ever be since I loathe marschino cherries, would be something rhythmic that I could chant to myself.
Perhaps, I could post something on Craig's List. "Wanted, one mantra. Must not be commercial or too 'pop-cultury'. Short but deep is preferred. Rhythmic is a definite bonus. 'God' is a deal-breaker, so please no western religion." But what would I offer as payment? I don't have money, or think that it would necessarily be appropriate. What about my soul? I already pledged it once and look where that got me. I don't really need it, though. Or maybe, in typical "me" fashion, I hadn't realized that my soul was not just pledged but taken as payment in full - of course that implies the pledged to is the devil, and I believe in the devil only a hair's breadth more than god. What I mean is that maybe I gave my soul away already, and this thing I think of as my life is the result of being soulless...
Whatever. I don't think I believe in souls, anyway. At least not in the spiritual sense. Maybe there is something more than just this ol' bag of bones, but if there is, science hasn't figure it out yet. If there is something, it is probably more akin to 'mind' than 'soul'. The only kind of spirits I believe in are the kind you can drink.
Yesterday, I was going to start reporting my 'color' for the day. I forgot. Yesterday was dark blue.
Today's color is that middle color between pure blue and pure black. Because I am an uber-geek, I will give it the rgb value of 0,0,128 (for those that don't know, pure blue would be 0,0,255 and pure black would be 0,0,0).
I think I should start censoring these blog posts more than I do. Right now, I keep most names out and most details. But sometimes I say a lot more than is probably prudent. And I am a prude.
2 comments:
Okay, a handy dandy mantra maker for you. I stole this red-handed from Julia Cameron:
Take the meanest, nastiest little thing you say to yourself all the time. You know, those evil messages you use to sabotage all that is good and healthy and forward-moving about yourself? Something like, "I am a sweaty bloggopotamus," or "I am stinky." Got one?
Now, rewrite it in opposites. "I am stinky" becomes, "I smell like a rose." I am a sweaty bloggopotamus" becomes . . . er . . . "I am a sweat-free novelloserous." You can make it as rhythmic and non-pop culturish as you like. Try it!
I am 100% on your side on the spirit/soul thing. I'd sooner enter into a contract to purchase the Golden Gate Bridge than make any deals with any fairy-tale characters regarding souls.
And please don't censor the blog. It would lose its charm.
Ohhh....you think my blog has charm. Bless you. :)
I'll think about the mantra thing some more. I kinda don't want something Stuart Smalley-esque though. You know, "I'm good enough, blah, blah, blah." I will try your exercise though, as I'm partyly interested in getting a mantra and partly interested in figuring out what the worst thing I tell myself is.
As for sweaty bloggopotamus though, that's not negative. It's actually an homage to the Red Hot Chili Peppers. :) No jokin'.
And I can't not address the censorship issue because that might seem like I'm censoring myself (as opposed to just being lazy). We'll just have to see how it goes. I do exit for language, keeping the profanity out, not because I don't like it (though I am apparently a prude), but there are times when I'm so pissed off that there would only be profanity. :) I guess that's not bad though. I will probably start dropping the f-bomb any post now. (I'm not so prudish as to avoid saying fuck, I just am amused/disgusted by the use of the term "f-bomb"._
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